Divorce marks the end of a relationship with another person, but it also signals the beginning of a new relationship with yourself. It’s an opportunity to rediscover who you are, what you want, and how you want to move forward. It’s time for you to embrace a fresh chapter of self-growth.
When we go through a divorce, it often creates a divide not only within our families but also among friends. In the aftermath, we may cling to the friends who stick around, even if they aren’t good for us. This can happen for many reasons—primarily because the sudden loss of people we once considered family is so overwhelming and we’re desperate to hold onto anything that feels familiar.
As time goes on, we start to recognize that some of the people we spend time with aren’t actually good for us. But because they were there during our hardest moments, we often feel guilty for wanting to move on.
I experienced this firsthand—I loved being around people who dove into the drama of my divorce because it felt validating. Eventually, I realized that I had moved past the pain and focused on what’s healthy for my mental and physical well-being, but they remained stuck in their own drama.
A New Community
Today, I’ve outgrown many of those friendships and found new, uplifting ones. I’ve learned that I only want what is known as “Treadmill Friends”—the kind of people who energize me and make me feel like I’ve just finished a great run, full of positivity and strength. On the flip side, I’ve distanced myself from those who consistently drain my energy. It’s been a tough realization, especially since I enjoy spending time with people and tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. But I’ve come to understand that spending time with people who aren’t healthy for me, no matter how much I care, isn’t something I can continue doing.
If you’re at a crossroads because you’ve embraced a healthier way of life, it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself from people or remove yourself from situations that no longer serve you. You get to choose who to have important conversations with because you value them, while others may naturally fade from your life.
For the friends, old or new, that you continue to nurture, take the time to understand what being a good friend looks like to each person. Ask them what kind of support they need and what their boundaries are. Then, clearly communicate your boundaries. This helps avoid those ambiguous gaps where we, as humans, tend to fill in the blanks with our own assumptions and create unnecessary stories about how someone might feel. Don’t guess—just ask!
This will create a community of people who respect and understand one another and cultivate healthy conversations because everyone feels safe enough to talk about hard things.
Creating a Vision Board
Once you’re ready to imagine a future as a single person, creating a vision board can be a powerful tool. It gives you a visual representation of what you value, keeps you accountable for building that vision, and allows you to review it regularly to ensure those goals still resonate with you.
There’s no point in making a vision board only to stash it away in a closet—it defeats the purpose of keeping your desires and goals at the forefront of your mind. Just like when we have our eyes set on a certain type of car and suddenly start seeing it everywhere, we can use the same principle with our brain. By clearly defining what we want, we can train our minds to seek out what we value and make it a reality.
I start my vision boards by first writing down everything I desire on a piece of paper. Don’t hold back, even if something seems impossible. This is your chance to brain dump all your wants and dreams, no matter how big or small. Once you have everything down, you can start building your vision board. Select the things from your list that truly resonate with what you want to cultivate in your life and use them to create a piece of art that speaks to your soul! Use pictures, words, letters, numbers, or anything that sparks inspiration and excitement. This is your vision, so make it as bold and beautiful as you imagine!
Divorce is truly a new beginning. Embrace this next stage of your life!
Moving Forward After Divorce
I believe it’s crucial to cultivate a fulfilling life as a single person and get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a while. Use this time to dive deep into what truly matters to you. Explore new interests, learn new things, read books you’ve never considered before, try different restaurants. This is your opportunity to get to know who you are and what YOU want.
Many women “lose” themselves in marriage because we’re natural nurturers, often putting everyone else’s needs first. Over time, this can lead to resentment, health problems, or depression, because we haven’t made space for ourselves. When that happens, we may find ourselves too tired or sick to maintain healthy relationships or pursue the things we love. It breaks my heart when I hear women say, “I’ve always wanted to [fill in the blank], but I couldn’t because I was too busy taking care of everyone else.”
These women watch their loved ones and kids pursue their passions while feeling a little empty inside, thinking their time has passed. But it hasn’t! Don’t allow yourself to be swallowed up in someone else’s life while denying your own.
Get to know yourself so well that you can confidently set boundaries, recognize the gifts you bring to the table, and create a life so full and vibrant that people take notice. When we nurture ourselves, we have more to give to those who truly matter and we leave behind a legacy of love, joy, and fulfillment that will be felt long after we’re gone.
By doing so, we naturally attract people who help us build the community we’ve always dreamed of. This creates a circle of healthy, supportive relationships, which can be passed down as a powerful example to future generations. When we heal ourselves, we inspire and encourage healing in others too. Our growth not only benefits us but also ripples out to those around us, creating a legacy of well-being and connection.
Conclusion
Use this time to heal, nurture yourself, and create a life that genuinely brings you joy. As you focus on your well-being, you’ll start to notice how amazing you feel and how much more support you can offer to those around you. When you’re fulfilled and grounded, the energy you bring lifts others up, creating a positive ripple effect in your relationships and your community.
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