We all get lied to, betrayed, and hurt by someone else’s actions. None of us are immune to other people’s choices that directly affect us. It’s not okay for them to hurt us but it’s how we react to their behavior that holds us hostage or helps us grow. There are times when their actions are with good intentions, but it still hurts us. It’s important to remember that it is not always a direct action intended to cause you pain. What other people do is a reflection of them. What we do is a reflection of us.
- Do we stay in that toxic relationship?
- Do we continue to allow a family member to disrespect us or belittle us?
- Do we stay in a job that doesn’t value us or take advantage of us?
Maybe we leave those situations and then what?
Do we work through our emotional discomfort through therapy; or stay angry and bitter about how we were treated?
Did the relationship reveal some unhealed part inside you that you’re working through, or do you stay so busy that you shove it deep down inside hoping you will forget it altogether?
Do you process through your experiences, feel the emotions, and put in practices to heal your soul, or do you get in another relationship with a “better” person just to find out they are the same “type” you keep attracting?
We have choices to make every single day, minute by minute. These choices directly affect you.
Let me be clear, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IS NOT OKAY! There is no world that exists that makes it okay. You have every right to be angry and you should be.
ALSO, it is not okay to use it as an excuse to treat other people badly and treat yourself badly.
It hurts you and your loved ones when you don’t heal from the pain.
We have a choice to make if we want to feel better and create a better life for ourselves and our loved ones. Life is unpredictable but if we could see our lives from 30,000 feet above, we would make different choices.
If we could somehow see ourselves from the outside and directly observe the path of our lives, we would see someone stuck in anger. We would see the dark energy we carried around and we would be disturbed by that darkness. Would we want to be friends with ourselves?
Now, look at that other path from 30,000 ft. Here, we see a life filled with learning and growing and that leads to light and love and positive energy. I am sure you would say “I want that one.”
Personally, I lived in fear and denial for SO LONG and decided to make a change which completely turned everything upside down. I loved that I felt SO badly that I had to make a change which led me to the path of light. Now, I long for everyone to live in that energy and find their light.
I truly believe that when we heal and ground and center ourselves, we heal others in the process and become the change we’ve longed for. When we start to heal and grow:
- It heals others that cross our paths.
- It changes the trajectory of other lives.
- It heals the next generation when you heal from your own pain.
- You can change the world slowly by healing and doing your small part.
Imagine if more people healed and used their pain to love and grow. They would learn how to hold boundaries, have authentic conversations, understand that bad behavior is never okay, and learn to communicate without fear and with curiosity. We all know that hurt people, hurt people and it is time we stop hurting.
I know that we all have strong opinions and that’s great! The next step is to take positive action for your part in this large ecosystem.
Why not try to work through the emotional discomfort for yourself?
The uncomfortable truth is:
The people that hurt you don’t actually know how bad you are hurting (sometimes they don’t care) so why not show up everyday for YOU? Why not make each day, week, month, and year the way you want to feel and live because you care about yourself.
Let those that hurt you be miserable and hurt over THERE while you hold your boundaries and live a beautiful life over HERE.
If you actually want to show them a thing or two, then STRIVE EACH DAY TO BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE. When you show people that you care about yourself, the toxic people will start to fall away and the healed souls will gravitate towards you.
So go out there, show them, and do the healing in private. You will soon see how beautiful life can be, and it reveals how resilient you actually are!
As much as we want to rewrite the past, we can’t but it’s so important to use the past to create our future!
As much as the hurting sucks, it reveals something within us that helps us grow.
AND WAIT FOR IT…
Help the people who are suffering heal from their pain
because so many of us are suffering in silence. We can’t continue to live that way. It is not doing anyone any good for us to stay silent and stagnant. Think about it: What if you don’t heal?
If we want better for the next generations, we at least have to try to do better ourselves because they are watching us. They are listening, too, but watching is way more powerful than what we say. Think about it: Are we really doing what we say? Are we?
If the answer is NO (be honest), then change is needed. It doesn’t have to be a huge leap, but it does need to consist of small actions each day or week to reveal the true suffering inside ourselves.
You will know that there needs to be change because there is something inside of you that knows you don’t have to feel that way or live that way anymore. You don’t have to have relationships that are “good enough” or demoralizing.
If you are running away from something or running towards something, instead of being pulled toward it, and have a yearning over and over? It’s time to take small actions each day toward the person you really want to be. Go to therapy and start loving yourself. Start loving your life even if it is vastly different from what you thought it should’ve looked like because you are on this earth to discover what life looks like for you. That, my friend, will encourage others to do the same.
I’ll leave you with this to end with a soft landing and a clear message.
“We all have “issues” because we all have a story. And no matter how much work you’ve done on yourself, we all snap back sometimes. So be easy on you. Growth is a dance. Not a light switch.” John Kim
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