Going through a breakup or divorce can be undoubtedly scary. We naturally fear the unknown. The future without this partner, this love, or this crutch.
- What will happen when the bills aren’t split up and I have to be responsible for everything?
- What will happen with time with the kids?
- What about the friends we shared together?
- What about the animals?
- Will I be lonely?
Our brains can go wild with what-if’s and it keeps us from moving out or breaking up at all. I’ve known many couples that stay together because they are too afraid of what’s on the other side. It’s just like any change. There will be good and not so good but being single is pretty awesome! This is especially true when the relationship you were in was toxic and mentally draining. You are going to feel the weight of that toxic environment lifted off.
Personally, I would much rather be “lonely” than with someone that doesn’t appreciate me or treats me poorly. Being out of an unhealthy relationship is so much better than living a lie and appearing happy on social media when you are actually dying inside. No thanks!
Here are a few things that I loved about being single and want to share:
Reconnecting with friends
It’s common to ignore what you truly enjoy when you are in a relationship or marriage because your focus and energy is on your lover or spouse. There are many things you need to take care of so friends can be put on the sidelines.
When you are single, you may have fewer people to attend to which means you have some time on your hands for the things you actually enjoy! Connecting with friends is so refreshing and therapeutic. I thoroughly enjoy telling them about my good and not so good dates and hearing about theirs. I love listening to their triumphs and setbacks and giving feedback (if they prefer). I love hearing about their adventures and telling them about mine. Just being in a space with friends who truly care recharges me for days and makes me feel like I can accomplish my dreams. Spending time with friends that truly care about me and vice versa fills up my soul!
I value spending time with like-minded people that have different takes on life. A different perspective or input from someone else can give you valuable takeaways. It is such a great practice to love and share with people you trust and respect. They may ask a question that challenges you and makes you ponder. The conversations may breathe new life into you that will carry you for as far as you want to go.
It is a great way to assess where you are mentally, physically and spiritually. You can write down thoughts that you never want to say to anyone (or you might) and you can express your anger, hurt, and frustrations on paper. Don’t keep holding your thoughts and feelings inside and get them out so you can let go and move on. Some have written a letter to whoever hurt them and then burned it for a release. Some will write a letter and never send it because it feels SO GREAT to finally say what you’ve always wanted to and just keep it and reread it later to see how far you’ve come.
I love to look back on my journals when I feel stuck or inadequate and know that I have made massive strides since those earlier times. It gives me energy to keep going and improving.
Don’t forget to journal about good and great things, too. Write down your accomplishments, big or small. Write down what you want to do, write down conversations you had, write out your feelings, write what you ate that day, or even a cool experience at a restaurant. Write an awesome conversation you had with someone and all the things you discussed. This will help you sift out your day, week, or month when you’re writing and help to release, celebrate, and reflect when you are later reading what you wrote.
This has helped me through a very stressful time and now I use it as a regular practice because I feel so good during and after.
It helps you be in the moment and actively pay attention to where you are, how you are feeling, and thoughts in your mind. You then notice and release over and over again until you reach a state of calmness. All that commotion in your mind is no longer stressing you out or causing anxiety. You may have a spiritual experience. You may have an aha moment. You may have an idea pop into your head, or it might just lessen your anxiety. All of those things are medicine for your mental health that can bring joy to your soul!
I started out with guided meditations through YouTube and Amazon Music that took me through a beautiful and calming dream-like scenario. By the end of these meditations, all of my stress from the day had melted away.
I like to meditate with rain or beach sounds and let my thoughts come through and be released.
I will also listen to an OM meditation or a mantra over and over. There are plenty of apps for meditations that can guide you as you learn this beautiful practice. If you want to take it a step further, attend a meditation group in person and see how you like that experience.
Exercise will help you feel a lot better physically as well as emotionally. I love to take a long walk through my neighborhood or at a park and process my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I will listen to a podcast I love and just get my heart pumping and blood circulating through my body. I have friends who run in order to get them physically and mentally challenged so they can succeed in their endeavors. Some love to get into a sport of some kind and enjoy the camaraderie and accomplishments as a team.
Try new things and see what works best for you when it comes to exercising and I bet you’ll be glad you did. You may just meet that special person in the process that enjoys the same things you do and is healthy physically and mentally.
Have a regular sleep schedule.
Now that you are sleeping alone, you can go to bed and wake up on a schedule that is best for you!
We all need different amounts of sleep and you can test that if you don’t know. Having a regular sleep schedule makes life so much easier. You aren’t tired all the time, you can schedule in all that I’ve mentioned so far, you will feel great, and it will bring some consistency into your life.
You have full control of your finances
When you are in a committed relationship or marriage, you typically share financial responsibilities and both of you make decisions together (maybe you didn’t and that was an issue).
When you are single, you don’t have to discuss financial decisions with anyone. You can earn, spend, and save what you can and want. You are in control of your financial future, you can take a vacation with your BFFs, you can start an emergency fund. You can do whatever your heart desires with the money and resources you have available.
Yes, it’s a single income with maybe some child support or alimony but it’s your money to decide what to do with it.
I was scared to get divorced and be single again but what I gained was far greater than being in an unhappy marriage. I was so preoccupied with work and my husband, I never took the time to get to know myself. I rarely journaled, I had no clue what I enjoyed, I learned so much about myself while being single and I felt confident about moving freely in this beautiful life. Thank you for allowing me to share this experience and hopefully give you some takeaways if you are newly single or about to be single.
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