Before today, I had a hard time articulating my reason for starting a blog. Here, I’m going to tell you my story and why I decided to take this step. I wanted to share my story to let other women (and men) know they are not alone.
When I was in my 20’s and married to the love of my life, I was a God-fearing woman, knew all the secrets to life, and was happy in my bubble. I was extremely naive to believe that love and only love could carry us through anything. My world was turned upside down when he came home early in May of 2004 to tell me he was leaving me and moving out that night. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth, with tears streaming down his face, but it was true. He left that night, never to return, and my perfect life was shattered into a million pieces.
After that event, I officially became an adult or at least a self-proclaimed “adult.” I sold our house, that was our home together, and moved into an apartment. I got a job that paid all of my bills plus a bonus to pay the debt that we acquired over the six years of marriage. When he and I had to communicate he was cold and no longer loving towards me. I didn’t even recognize who he was.
My self-esteem plummeted and I felt unworthy of love from a man. A few years went by and I paid off the debt and saved around $1,500. Turning my finances around did help me gain some confidence but I still did not feel very good about myself. That’s when I met my soon-to-be second husband. He appeared to be kind and loving. There were some red flags but I ignored them because he was a “safe” option. I can live with this man for the rest of my life and be happy, I thought to myself. Unfortunately, the day after we were married, he started the mental abuse and it never ended until I left him eight years later.
My self-esteem was even lower than the first time around. Ugh!
I was a woman that appeared as if she had her sh@! together and that’s what I wanted everyone to think. I just couldn’t face who I was at the time. Me in a nutshell:
- Low self-esteem.
- On the verge of suicide.
- Two “failed” marriages.
- Wondering if God even exists.
- Hoping all the pain would miraculously go away.
I used to think I knew all the secrets to life and now I found myself in a place where I didn’t even know where I was going to live. How did I let myself sink so low and hide all of my pain? How did someone “like me” get to a place so dark? This is where I started to write, meditate, speak out, and ask questions.
When I reached out to some of my friends that I lost touch with, they informed me that they felt the same way. These were moms, wives, successful women, and driven women. Outwardly they had it all but inwardly they were dying inside and hoping to end all the pain. I thought to myself, “How can this be? How did we have these hopes and dreams only years ago and now we want to end it all?” This is where my story of my blog began. I now have a passion for sharing my story and (hopefully) similar stories from others through now-roar.com. Please join me on this journey of life and let’s not keep quiet about it anymore! Become who you were meant to be. Hint, it’s probably not what you’ve been told all of your life by society, your church, even your friends and family. It’s time to roar, my friends!
I’d love to hear your comments and personal journey below.
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