Divorced Again!

It’s early 2017 & I’m sitting on my couch staring at the wall wondering “How did I get here?”

38 years old, divorced for the second time, living in Missouri with an unclear picture of what my future holds.

I rememeber being 18 years old and moving to Costa Mesa, California to attend Southern California College. I was nervous, excited and terrified! I get settled into my dorm room on the 7th floor (penthouse) and meet my roomies. They were just as nervous as I was but we all had a common goal of “living the California dream.”

While attending college I meet the man of my dreams…. or so I thought!

He was 24, a marine with a Matthew McConaughey accent, born and raised in Kentucky. YES PLEASE!

The California lifestyle sets in and we are hooked on each other. We marry in 1998 and settle in a small apartment in Lake Forest, California until…..we get stationed in Springfield, Missouri.

Springfield? Really? I knew being a military wife meant I would move from time to time and I was okay with that. I just figured it would be somewhere exciting or overseas, not Missouri. (aka misery)

I put on my big girl pants and said “Springfield here we come!”

Fast forward to 2004 and the marine I loved more than life itself says “I want a divorce and I am moving out tonight.” What???? We have a house, dog and cat, and I sacrificed my dream of being a California Girl. Now you are walking out, just like that?

There I was vigorously vacuuming my living room floor as if it had never been vacuumed wondering if he would change his mind and come running back.

Spoiler Alert!! He didn’t and I moved on with my life in Springfield, Missouri. By this time in my life I feel like Springfield is my home and where I need to stay. I fell in love with the city.

4 years go by and I am now an Apartment Manager and I meet husband #2. He is soft-spoken, sweet, and loves his mom. What else can you ask for? We spend a year getting to know one another and decide to marry. We drive to Florida and tie the knot! Then on the way home trouble brews…..He gets very irritated by my driving and starts to yell profanity towards me. I was stunned and thought “this was all a bad dream!”

It wasn’t a dream, it was the reality. I decided I would get an annulment when we got back but “life” had other plans for us. Once we get back I lose my job as an Apartment Manager and am forced to move. How am I going to find a job and a place to live?! Apparently the annulment was not in the stars for us. We find a place to live, I land a job and life goes on. At this point, I might as well try to make things work. Unfortunately, I ended up emotionally scarred by 8 years of mental abuse and feeling like I was worth nothing. Therefore, divorced again!

At this point, I am 38 years old, divorced twice, sitting on my couch and staring at the wall. I spent some time crying, beating myself up for making unsound decisions and on my computer looking for a therapist. I am feeling shame, disappointment, embarrassed, alone and the list goes on!

After spending some time feeling sorry for myself I realized I have come so far and it is time to WAKE UP! A friend suggested I watch “The Secret” on Netflix and it was a GAME CHANGER! It talks about the Law of Attraction, what you focus on is what you will attract. I put together a visionary board that includes what I want, what I need to tell myself everyday, and what I am thankful for. In the past 18 years I had lost all of my interests, my passion, and didn’t even know who I was anymore. At this point in my life I had a great job running a real estate investment firm, owned a few houses of my own and had a lot to be thankful for but I was lost.

While creating my board I started to put a picture of myself on it and wrote on the picture “I love myself”, then I wrote out “I love to budget”, and the words confident, smart, and gratitude came to mind. I put them on my board and all of a sudden it hit me! I am not alone and I have something to offer other women! I put on the board “Empowered Women, Empower Women.” BOOM! There it is! My passion and my reason to be enthusiastic. If I am feeling lost and alone (in or outside a marriage) so are many other women. Why are we not talking about this?! Why are we sweeping things under the rug? We can all help each other and reach heights we never thought we could!

What you don’t know is the job I found after being let go as an Apartment Manager was an Education Specialist for Consumer Credit Counseling Services. I spent 7 years studying budgets, credit, and ways to improve personal finances. I taught classes and spoke to all types of groups that led me to my next love in life, REAL ESTATE. Now I am highly involved in real estate and love personal finance.

After finding my passion and focus from putting together my visionary board I told myself every day “You are confident.” “You are smart.” “I love myself.” All of a sudden I started to believe it and I told everyone I knew that I want to empower women.

I am here now sharing my story and being vulnerable. I want, more than anything, for someone who feels or felt lost or afraid to share their story because we ALL have something to share! Let us find our passion and live life to its fullest potential.

This quote by W.E.B. Du Bois says it all “There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.”

I ask you today, are you ready to roar?!

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